A tale of two weddings (such highbrow lit humor): Tim and I got married in a gorgeous old hacienda on a rocky outpost in old Puerto Vallarta. One wall was the sparkling Pacific Ocean, Mexican antiques looked over us as we said our vows, mariachi bands wandered the streets below, and we were surrounded by the love of our nearest and dearest.
And Juanita (name NOT changed) did her damnedest to ruin all of it.
The property’s event manager seemed to seek every opportunity to make our day more difficult. She harassed our guests about minor things (yelling at the mother-of-the-groom for spilling a little bit of wine on the tablecloth! AH!). She sabotaged our (very simple) plans (“Oh, I’M sorry about candle wax on the antique candelabras”). I feel like a mean Yelp reviewer when I say all this, but everyone else we worked with also agreed that she was a holy terror. Her name has become a running joke in our families: “Oh, you’re having a party? Don’t forget to invite Juanita!” “Make sure Juanita is there to take care of everyone!”
Flash forward a few years: two weekends ago, we kicked off wedding season in a sweet little Virginia town. We’d been looking forward to this one for a while—a relaxed and low-key bride and groom (“We just want to get married, the rest will work itself out”), a dream venue, and finally kicking off wedding season after traveling all winter.
Halfway through the reception, the DJ came up to us and offered his extra GIANT monitor if we wanted to show a few photos from the day. Don’t mind if we do. One problem: no one had the cord to connect our computer to the monitor. Thirty minutes later, the amazing DJ had sent a friend out to purchase a new cable out of pocket, helped us hook up his monitor, and bam: slideshow created thanks to the kindness of other vendors. This is what happens when your vendors talk, create relationships, and have each other’s backs. Every vendor at the wedding was invested in helping each other out (unbelievable! not a Juanita in the bunch!). We weren’t there to just kick ass in our own little silo of expertise, but to kick ass AND help everyone do the same so the newlyweds would have the best experience evahhh. And I realized more than ever…
Whether you’re planning your wedding or just deciding where to buy coffee, the same principle stands:
Life is too short to work with dicks.
In other words, give a shit about who you let handle your wedding day. When you’re hiring vendors for your wedding, the world will come knocking on your door. But before you even put a golden Sacajawea dollar down, ask yourself if you’d want to spend time with the people you’re hiring. I don’t care if they are the absolute top very best insanely talented in their field: if they don’t seem like good people, if you don’t like hanging out with them, throw em the deuces. Find someone who will help make your wedding day just as dreamy and joyful as you envision. Of course not every vendor is going to be your future BFF, but they damn well better be a good human if they’re going to bring their personal juju to your wedding. Give a shit about who you hire, because if you don’t? You might accidentally end up with Juanita.
(Oh, and it’s way easier to break it down on the dance floor if you’re surrounded by good humans.)